4.14.2012

Post Title

I have been devoting more than half of my vacation days, or better yet, nights (since I've gone completely nocturnal), rummaging the web for written works with the hope that they may somehow penetrate deep in my own aesthetics in writing. I have stumbled upon a wide range of literary pieces: from short essays to biographies, from prose to poetry; from free writing to classical; and a whole lot more each having their own eternal yet somehow obscured or sporadic yet very much exposed charm and grotesque. Along these facts lingers the truth that, the world have such an infinite puddle of writers.

I believe it was on my fourth grade when I first tried writing, I wrote a very lengthy script for one of our class activity about racism which, unfortunately, was no use since our teacher didn't pursue the activity. That time I had no idea what I was doing, all I knew was that I had the complete freedom on contemplating what was going to happen in the story, no limitations, no pressures, no rules. I was of course, too frenzied about that fact since I happened to had only the four corners of my room as my paradise (which I am not loathsome about). Then, my bliss about quills haven't stopped: I exerted optimal efforts (which my classmates find a bit trivial) on our English writing activities, I joined our school paper organization, and the rest is history.

In my own rights I have believed that I am a catch. Since I was one of the toast on our schools because I have won several writing competitions (since that was the only thing I am good at), it kind of installed to my mind that I have an illuminating future on the field I chose, and suddenly turned out to be my most enticing dream. I ain't lifting my own bench but as far as I can see, I am really improving as I age, which is very much normal, I think. However, as I age, I also get to see that I am living in a fast reproducing world, and that there are also young writers who are experiencing the same thing as I do. So, I may concur that the world is full of toasts but has no decent supply for peanut butter and jelly (Yes, that was supposed to be a metaphor. And yes, I am hungry as I am writing this).

The world itself is truly overwhelming, and so is the realization that there are millions of people who are bound to take my plane trip in the literary field as well. All my life I was caged; caged with the true bitterness of the world, and caged by the people who kept on making me believe that life is a great stick of bottomless cotton candy (Yay for the food metaphor again). I was nevertheless perplexed on how the true world seems to be relatively preposterous, and that I should be the same too if I wish to survive. I was boulder-dashed with the truth that I am good, yet someone happens to be better, and that better has his own inferiority towards someone he also sees as the better one, and the cycle goes on and on.

Build a niche they say- a niche wherein you're going to mingle with everyone who shares the same things you do, which will make you appear even more generic than ever. The thing with niches is that it was built by someone highly legendary, someone you would never try to battle, someone somehow divinely conspired. Also, with the fact that nowadays, everything has seemed to be unfurled, from human-freak love story to a dystopian remote game, it is really hard to avoid being just a mere shadow of such things that have gone eminently huge in the niche you have chosen. Every topics imaginable seems to have already been tackled, and the only trick now is to punch a different hole in it wherein there is more juice- where nobody have ever tried to punch one.

The peeve, however, no matter how crazy this world I am taking now, is that I have gone so far to revert everything. I am on the pre-stage of my real adventure, and the most crucial. I would be completely insincere if I am going to declare that my walk have always been straight (you can take that literally too). I have thought of backsliding and putting all my fantasies in my pocket, but every time I do, I am left with nothing to hold on too. Had it been my life? No. There are of course other things that may put into consideration on why I am still living. Had it been one of the most pungent force in keeping me going? Absolutely yes.

They say embrace your gift, but when you are still uncertain if that thing is a gift or if it really does exist, how can you embrace it? They say live your dreams, but when everyone seems to be pushing you towards the brim of that dreams, how would you make it alive?

Sparkle some pixie dust- or pray.

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