Almost, Quite, and Close Enough

I hate being seventeen. When I was sixteen, all I can think of was the great perhaps of being seventeen, but now that I've reached this age, I actually prefer being stuck on sixteen. Being seventeen is literally having complete autonomy over your life without the right over it. I don't think you get it, but it's simply being hindered to do stuff you know you can manage on your own. What can an eighteen year old do that a seventeen and a half year old can not?! Plus I got some pretty big feet for my age, so I don't think the difference is that far.

The very first time I have felt this utter loathe over this situation was when I almost had a decent, real life job, but didn't because of my age. The interview was running smoothly and I was on the verge of flaunting my philosophical idiosyncrasy when all of a sudden the HR told me that I didn't meet their age requirement. You know what happened? We ended up discussing why I entered school so early and if I was having tough time being too young for my shoes. Like I care.

From that very moment everything went on a domino effect. I was about to try on two international exchange student scholarships, but again, I've failed on their very first requirement. There were free tours I was about to take, but again, they said I was too young.

I was too young for everything, and it sucks, at the truest sense of the word.

I would really prefer the onslaught of failing to their examinations or whatnots, but the fact that I wasn't able to show what I am made of is simply so frustrating- and that's even an understatement.

Photo credits: Ches Berdin and Ian Claros

This week, the great legacy of the number two have shown itself again. I won two writing competitions, and guess what, I bagged the second place in both. So that pretty much means I am better among other people, but not really the best.At first I find this recurring partial somehow a curse, but I realize it is giving me the opportunity to know that I am on the right track, at the same time, it embarks on my mind that I still have loads of stuff to learn. So that is like placing me on the equinox of everything.

My fellow winners have already told (or rather wrote) their speech on their facebook accounts, each being heartwarming and nevertheless very grateful, but I chose not to ride with them. Don't get me wrong, I am not bitter for being a second placer, it is just that I don't really think I would have the right words to suffice the stuff going in my mind about this matter, I am sure I would end up gibbering. But in all honesty, the win itself doesn't mean so much to me, rather, what really made a mark is the fact that I was surrounded by people who believed in me more than I believed in myself. Greater even is the fact that most of them are far bigger than me. It was surreal.

Also, I really can't help being boastful over the fact that our department almost devoured the whole competition. It is just that we are the youngest department on our college, and we are striving to prove something, well at least for us students for our professors have indeed already established legends of their own. So it was really nice to show them our existence.

It's getting harder and harder to hoard emotional attachment. 

1 komento:

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