The very first thing that I had in mind when 2013 officially started was that it would only be eight months until infinity arrives... or simply my 18th birthday. Not that I am planning a splendid birthday bash, but actually the only thing I would like to do on my birthday is to register as a voter (what? my country needs me!). It is the sheer legality of my existence that I am looking forward to. It seems to me that even though some people say that somehow, I think (not act) beyond my age, the fact still remains that I am still but a lonesome force trying to tell the world that I am bigger than life. However, a disturbing realization came just right now: I haven't done anything illegal yet except for downloading songs online and buying pirated DVDs. And this is bad.
The bag of knowledge I have mustered all throughout my life is approximately 60% from stuff I read; 30% from other people; and 10% of my own experience. Hypothetically, these are the normal figures for a self-proclaimed book lover, but clearly not for a normal teenager. There is something drastically wonderful about experience, and sadly though, life had spared me from that. Life is teaching me its complications through printed words and other people's experience, which is kind of mean for me and for those people who took the privilege (or curse) to teach me. Which again, is pretty bad.
I am a puppet pulled by strings. There is a strong compelling force in me that dictates whether something is in our out of the norms I have lived by, and sadly, I am still reveling with it. Moreover, I have noticed that I am in a constant delusion of fright. I never learned how to ride a bike because I am afraid I would end up hurting myself; I never learned how to swim because at first I thought I am not capable of floating; I never learned how to climb trees because of the ideas of bugs and bees; and other things I didn't try because of a major bluff. But don't imagine me as a crying girl in a nook, somehow I am trying to make the most of my existence. Little by little.
If I am to make a bucketlist it would take on forever for me to write it down. Not only am I deprived of lots of things but apparently, I am discovering lots of wonderful stuff each and every day that passes. I will not expound more on them but I tell you, most of them are of normal human experiences which perhaps every human being have done at least once in their lives. But I get happiness in nice photographs, streetlights and long walks, so that isn't much of a surprise.
I don't know how this post have gone this way but so it is with my life. At once I thought I had it all figured out but there came something or someone utterly flummoxing that left me in great awe. I thought I have all the experience needed to qualify on the world's list of Most Interesting People but it turns out I can't even make to the People Who Lived Life So Normally We Need To Cry. But I'm getting there, over and above. Every night I am picturing myself as someone highly amazing and different (in my own perspective) and it doesn't look that much impossible. Or so I think.
This is how I roll. Very seldom do I arrive on a formal conclusion. I always dangle.
I wear long sleeves when thinking.