The thing about this entire on the job training of becoming a teacher is that it started out as a clear-cut necessity and it ended up as something, I don't know, extraordinary. You see, I really do not want to be a teacher, or at least that is how I used to think, and this whole thing is just me struggling to muster a degree in something before I set off to writing. But I guess you can never be too sure about this world, and neither about yourself, so even though it is almost five weeks since I left the school where I have been teaching for five months, I am still completely enthralled.
The thing about me is that I am not much fascinated with people. I am not a loner either, but let us just say that when I am huddled into a big crowd, chances are I am going to observe them first, pick those who I think I can jive with, and stick with them until the very end. But never in my entire life have I been obligated to deal with almost 250 people. And by "deal" I mean you please, get along and teach them. But hah, I just found myself submerged in that vey situation.
My friends knew for a fact that I really wanted to die just so I would not have to deal with practice teaching. Like when you hit me with a bus that time, I would even thank you and tell you not to mind the damages at all. I am downright petrified with the thought of teaching. Honestly I was afraid that my past would come knocking at my door, especially my old self. My high school experience was relatively fun, at least for me as a student, but I am definitely aware that had I looked into it from a teacher's perspective, it would be nothing less than mortifying. My clique, or even my entire class, was the kind of class you would rather kill than teach. There were people who wanted to kill each other, while some just wanted to kill. And I belonged to the latter. You see, I would not mind you if you do not amuse me, which pretty much means that I did not mind most of the people I met in high school. Again, most. Not all.
So I was completely afraid seeing the old Rhea in the classroom while I was about to assume the role of a teacher. I was thinking that there would be a girl across the room who would think that she was too good for everyone, too good for any lesson, too good for herself. I could see myself putting her in a sack.
But the heaven conspired, and I don't know if it is their way of saying that I belong to teaching for I did not have to deal with such a cold-hearted person for my off campus. Instead, I had almost 250 high-spirited, kind-hearted, well-rounded and unbelievably happy students. Once I had this thought that they were even more dangerous, and I kind of proved that myself.
You see, they were unbelievable. Never in my entire life had I met people that were just plainly amazing. They were academically brilliant, and well, that was the least thing that startled me, but they were so, I don't know, perfect. Considering the fact that they were on their puberty and they had all the rights to be the worst they could be, instead they chose to be that kind of people who would rather smile and make the most out of the day given to them. Woah. I never knew that kind of people even exists.
Teaching is such a tiring job. Planning a lesson can take almost an hour and a half, then you still need a couple of hours more to prepare your instructional materials. Then you still have to execute the lesson for an hour, thinking about the competencies, skills and knowledge that your students have to acquire at the end of the lesson. Plus the classroom management for you will never know when are they going to be completely bored, hyped, or sometimes, drop-dead unreasonable. But still, no matter how unfair the weather can be, in and out the room, literally and figurative speaking, you would still have to be the best you can be. Now tell me that teachers are just being paid to stand and talk. I do not think so. But what makes it all worth it is when they smile and talk to you like you really matter. They listen to you, respect you, and I don't know, like you. I am that kind of person that does not get those kind of stuff a lot, perhaps previously I have, but they came out rather imperative. But these kids, they made me feel special even for a short-span of time, and I would never be able to thank them enough. In fact, I did not know what to do when they kind of reached that point that really made me believe that well maybe, I really am a wonderful person, I caught myself saying "What should I do now? I don't know what to do. I don't know what's happening." or something like that, I don't know.
If before I wanted to die just to prevent practice teaching, now I would die for another day with them. I never doubted myself for my capacity of loving, but being loved, that is an entirely different story. And I never realized my heart is big, this is mostly occupied by a handful of people only (and well, it cannot be moved), but now it is already holding hundreds of memories. Insane.